Sunday, 23 September 2012




Jessica always turned Brian’s photograph to the wall when Clive was in bed with her.

It was as if she didn’t want him to see what they were doing, and turning the strikingly blond, good-looking young man away from the action, so to speak, was some kind of spectral or superstitious means of preventing him from finding out what she and Clive were up to. What they were doing, that is. Between the sheets. Behind Brian’s back. When he was away. With nothing on but the CD player. In other words, as naked as the day they were born.

Brian, the man in the picture now facing nothing but the cracks in the plaster, was her fiancée. But he was away so often recently that she found herself spending more and more time with Clive, her new friend from the office. And most of their time together was spent in bed where what they got up to was always more stimulating, daring and exciting than anything she’d ever done with Brian.

For example, right now, he was standing at the foot of the bed with an amazing looking battery-driven contraption. ‘Just wait,’ he said, ‘you’ll love this when you see how it works. And when you feel how it works. Which is going to be as soon as I can get it going. Are you sure you’re ready for a new and exciting experience?’ They both knew that they both knew the answer to that rhetorical question.

Had this been Brian, she thought fleetingly, he would probably have used a euphemism to ask if she minded taking her clothes off. Despite his beautiful body, one that most men would have grasped at every opportunity to show off, he was embarrassed by nudity. Especially his own.

This puritan streak was probably because Brian came from a dreary, prudish and narrow-minded family, and he’d been unable to throw off his upbringing. So he rarely swore, he was disappointed that Jessica didn’t like going to church with him on Sundays, he avoided talking about their bodies, and although he’d had a few steady girlfriends, his attitude towards sex could only be described as plodding.

Even though he was now her fiancée, she had known him from childhood. So perhaps because they had grown up together had something to do with it, or it may have been because they knew each other too well, or maybe they saw their relationship as that of virtual brother and sister, or, well… whatever it was, their physical relationship was not up to scratch. No, not by a long chalk.

Clive was, in many ways, just the opposite, and her new relationship with him had certainly stimulated her sexual appetite. With a vengeance, as even she herself was inclined to conclude.

By now, it must be obvious surely, that this is going into areas where some readers may not wish to go. In other words, it’s not a conventional love story. So, although there’s no bad language, please don’t read any further if you are offended by the exploration of sexual matters, certain of which may be considered by some, perhaps more conventional people, to be a little off the wall.

Jessica had initially been attracted by Clive’s graceful, dark, and, despite his age, still youthful-looking, androgynous, almost beautiful body. In Jessica’s limited, but not exactly inexperienced opinion, he was quite well endowed, but even he could never truthfully use a word as simple as big. What he did with it was another thing. Something else altogether. And he was adept at using other parts of his body too. Not only his hands and toes either. She soon found out that his tongue was a worthy collaborator and he used it to compliment his erectile muscle to a… well, what other word is there? To a wonderful degree. And he had and cultivated a natural way of deriving pleasure out of giving as well as receiving sexual stimulation.


Clive’s two passions in life were sex and food.

His particular obsession within each of these categories were the exploration of what is commonly known as BDSM in one, and meat, particularly the cooking of steak, in the other.

Although armchair psychologists might find it interesting to explore hidden, overt or subliminal links between, say, a T-bone and what might be considered by some as somewhat unusual sexual activities, that is of no consequence and it is not where this narritive is going.

Fortuitously for Clive, and for Jessica, probably, his metabolism had thus far protected him from the problems sometimes associated with eating. And luckily for Clive, Jessica was not put off by what some would consider a bizarre interest in the particualar sexual activities he was intent on exploring. On the contrary, she seemed to find them stimulating, interesting and enlightening.

On the downside, and there’s usually a downside, Ciive was not particularly career-driven, his promotional prospects were poor, and he had no wealthy relatives and not a penny to scratch his arse with. So, short of marrying, winning or stealing money, his life was destined to be middle-class-mundane. And his future would always be on a rung at the lower end of the accounts department ladder. He did have some responsibility for handling fairly large amounts of money, but he never took decisions, and everything he did was always scrutinized by others.

But Jessica did notice one thing: although he’d held the same position for years, despite his pedestrian job, and his apparently mundane background, he always seemed to have the wherewithal to indulge the two obsessions that interested him. Clubs and restaurants were constantly on the agenda. And he was never short of a new sex toy or gadget he’d found on the internet.

Let’s take time out here, several paragraphs into Jessica’s story, to take stock of where we’re at. From what’s gone before, it’s obvious that sex plays an important role in her life. And it’s a moot point whether what she and her lover are about to indulge in is normal or not.

Although some hold the point of view that these particular sexual adventures are outside of the norm, others believe that we have simply been misled by those who, for whatever reason, would prefer sex to be quick, mundane, unadventurous and exclusively for procreational purposes. The missionary position (face to face, lights out, curtains closed, minimal removal of garments, etc, etc) did not become a jocular metaphor because of the unpopularity of the modus operandi. Just the opposite. At one time, most couples knew no other positions, experimentation and discussion were rare, and they almost always did nothing else.

However, thanks probably to blue movies, dirty books and information from the internet, attitudes, ideas and practices have changed. Although there is a fine line, and not every whim or predilection or new idea can be condoned, many practices remain off limits, and are probably illegal, even as far as libertine ideas are concerned. But the point of this long and fast-becoming boring paragraph is to warn that some of what happens here could offend. It’s up to you whether you read on or not. But if you’re a wowser please don’t go past this full stop.

Now that you’ve had your second warning, let’s go back to Jessica’s lover.

Clive also had the attribute to be able to tell sexually stimulating anecdotes.

‘I find it really interesting that so many people are so inhibited by their backgrounds,’ he told Jessica one day. ‘Their narrow mindedness. And their unadventurous attitudes. To sex, I mean. You know I told you about that holiday I had a few months ago, just before we got together. Well, I met this couple.  James and Sonja, I think their names were, but it doesn’t’ matter. It was great. We had such good fun. And now it’s over. We’ll probably never see each other again. No harm done. Everyone enjoyed what we did. No one was coerced into doing anything they didn’t want to do. A great time was had by all, and now we’re back to our separate routines. And we’ve taken up our own lives again.’


Despite his peculiarities, and predilections, and he had many, Clive had also recently discovered that there was another dimension to sex, one that had eluded him for many years. Prior to this revelation, he had been intent on his own pleasure. He did what interested him. Things that he found stimulating, and he made sure hat his partner did what she, and if truth be told, on one or two rare occasions, what he, his partner, that is, was encouraged to do to enhance Clive’s stimulation and enjoyment. He found now that he got a large dollop of gratification out of giving sexual pleasure to others.

One of his favourite subjects in a repertoire of many concerning his love affair with food, Clive was prepared to speak for hours on beef and the preparation thereof. Jessica remembered the first time he described his passion for garlic steak. Succulent. Spicy. Pungent. Juicy. Rare. ‘It’s almost a love affair,’ she though. ‘As if he’s describing a sexual contact in detail.’

‘And my life’s ambition,’ he added, ‘is to have a few steak meals in South America. Grass-fed beef is the best in the world, and I intend to get down there one day.’



‘I’ve been a thief since I was very young,’ Clive said after a rather energetic and hectic round of lovemaking. Jessica was just coming down from her cloud, and she wasn’t sure weather she was tired, disconcerted by, or had miss-heard what he’d said.

Clive studied her reaction. ‘Yes, you heard correctly. I said I like stealing things. I’ve done it all my life.’

‘I remember stealing trinkets from my mother’s dressing table.’

He got out of bed and poured himself a glass of wine. He stood naked at the window drinking and looking out across the sprawling city. ‘Then I took my best friends most prized possession. A set of collectable cards of cowboys given out by our local cinema at Saturday morning matinees. At he time he was devastated, and he only found out who’d taken them many years later when I eventually told him. And even then I think he always held it against me. Until he died, anyway, because he’s dead now.’


They’d been in the swank latin American hotel for about a week when he described another of what he called turning point in his life.

‘I remember when I bought my first dildo,’ he told her as he placed batteries into a sleeve in a long, black, lumpy apparatus. ‘Not for me, I mean. No, no, nothing like that. I know it’s becoming fashionable for men, but I’m not quite there yet. No, I mean for one of my first girlfriends. In those days it was illegal to advertise this kind of thing, so the manufacturers called them neck massagers.’ Clive laughed. ‘Can you believe that? Who on earth needs a neck massage?’

Jessica lay enjoying the unseen charges flowing from the mental stimuli and anticipation that preceeded and unlocked the internal fluctuation of hormones and anticipating the arousal that always followed the physical stimulation of erogenous and physically sensitive zones.

Clive was biting at the packaging that housed the batteries. ‘Of course I’m talking about long before the days of online shopping, which is where I got this interesting looking little number. Well, not so little, I suppose. In those days you’d see small classifieds, that’s what they were called. Advertisements, that is, in local newspapers. In amongst ads for used cars, paint, carpets and cheap holidays. Anyway, there they were. These old, black and white photos of women holding a weird looking thingo up to their faces. So, in fact, they were massaging themselves as far as possible from the area they’d been designed for.’ He sniggered. ‘If you get what I mean.’

So. When he’d first shown it to her, she had difficulty hiding her surprise. ‘What on earth’s that, Clive? Something to tether a horse to?’

While he was preparing to make it work she studied his no longer quite so slim brown body. He was dark, velvety brown, with curly, long, black hair and a perfect complexion. His mixed ancestry had provided the genes that resulted in a well-built but wiry physique. His face had the chiseled appearance of a rugged, perhaps slightly unfinished ebony carving. His eyes were almost black. And he was circumcised. For whatever reason, but certainly not religious, he’d been ritually deprived of his foreskin soon after birth. Perhaps it was simply the custom in his country. Jessica never knew whether this aspect was a positive or negative in other men, but in Clive, weather or not there is any relationship between sexual prowess and this ritual assault on the male body (as it’s deemed to be today), he was certainly pretty good in bed.

And now he was ready, she could see that quite clearly. In more ways than one. Because the machine was buzzing. Ready for action, as they say. And quite excited about it. That was abundantly apparent as well.

One doesn’t have to be a member of MENSA or president of the crossword solving society to discern that this kind of extended holiday is destined not to last. Especially when it’s been paid for with money that should rightfully have still been in a pension fund.

Eventually everything started to go pear-shaped as cracks developed in their relationship. Money was no object because it was not theirs, but even other people’s money has a tendency to run out.

They moved into a cheaper hotel, and not long afterwards were forced into a really cheap hotel.

And then their physical relationship started to unwind. Perhaps it was because Jessica decided she didn’t like something he did, or maybe she thought involving other partners was not quite her thing at that particular time, or it’s possible that she decided that sexual activities with too much alcohol or chemical substances or too many mechanical sex toys or just too much sex was beginning to pall.

Whatever it was, when she woke up one morning in what was a rather dingy room, Clive was gone. Which meant she was in trouble. A long way from home. A foreign country. Poor language skills. And, worst of all, penniless.

To cut what’s getting to be a long short story short, Brian came to the rescue. Humble pie behind her, and after several weeks of very trying experiences, he provided the wherewithal and Jessica eventually flew home on a budget airline. He was at the airport to meet her.

Please don’t enquire whether they lived together happily ever after. That’s beside the point. And who cares anyway? The important issue now, is to find out what happened to Clive.

Well, he stayed on with what was left of the money he’d extorted which seems a little euphemistic, because stolen would probably be a better way to describe it. But eventually he decided that he’d return home, hoping he’d find a way not to face the music. 


But one never knows what’s round the next corner in life, and Brian wasn’t ever going to answer any questions about missing money. A small mechanical contraption invented by and named after the French scientist Henri Pitot over two hundred years ago would see to that.

Here’s how and why.

Using the last of his ill-gotten gains, and his ability to chat up women easily and glibly, Clive put on a long face and explained to the Air France ground hostess that his partner had died on holiday. He persuaded her to redeem the two return tourist tickets and upgrade them for a business class seat home. He paid a nominal surcharge.

Amongst the many people Clive knew or had known, there is still a wide range of attitudes and conclusions concerning what happened next. Because of his ingrained and sanctimonious upbringing, Brian said it was retribution. He talked Jessica into believing that it was some kind of divine justice being handed out. A vengeance treasured up to be delivered at a suitable time.

Some of his colleagues saw it as just desserts for having taken their and the company’s money. A few simply shrugged. They perceived it as something that just happens. Like waste building up in living creatures until it’s released. An everyday event in the normal course of events. Like believing in a fixed, predetermined or natural order. In other words, fate.

Whatever it was, this is what happened.


Unbeknown to anyone at the time, Air France was about to experience a problem with their pitot tubes on AF447 from Rio to Paris.

Just over three hours into the flight, Clive was sipping a scotch and soda, playing with the ice cubes with his finger, and chatting about this and that to a very attractive young woman while he was thinking about asking her to join him in the toilet. Although this is not that common a subject these days, it was what was once jocularly described as the mile high club.

They were both startled by an unusual sound. Only the flight crew recognized this as a stall warning as the aircraft shifted into a nose up position. Inexperienced flying training and badly chosen attempts to correct the problem then caused it to start a rapid descent.

The woman he was talking to smashed into the seat in front. Blood and mucus flew in all directions.

The glass flew out of Clive’s hands as a forest of plastic masks and tubes released themselves automatically.

Overhead lockers burst open and baggage shot around the cabin at lethal speeds. Several passengers died immediately as flying luggage smashed into them. Seats became dislodged and huge gyroscopic energy forced even strapped-in passengers up towards the ceiling and then down again with tremendous force as the plane rolled over and started it’s descent. People were shrieking and shouting and praying. Children were crying and babies were floating about as gravity was neutralized and turned on its head. Those who fainted or were knocked out could be considered the lucky ones. Being unconscious, they were spared the expanding nightmare as the airbus went through an aerodynamic stall and into a dive. Clive was amongst those who were still awake, terrified and overwhelmed with fear, their sphincters grappling to prevent bodily discharges, an adrenalin rush and additional dopamine pumping around their bodies and priming them for fight or fleeing neither of which was an option because all that was left was to wait it out as time slid slowly by and they passed into the long dark passages of living hell and the next few minutes expanded in their minds into hours of an extended nightmare.

And all this, According to the French Aviation Authority’s report, because the failure of the tiny aforementioned pitots resulted in a fatal loss of air speed causing the Air France aircraft to experience a disasterous loss of power which caused it to hurtle towards the ocean surface at 90 miles per hour and completely break up on impact.


No comments:

Post a Comment